The Problem with Cupcakes

There has been, rather recently in the scheme of things, a cupcake fad in this country.  Little shops devoted only to cupcakes are popping up everywhere, even in my large "Mexican-food-is-king" city.  I peruse the cooking section of my bookstore and see at least ten--ten!-- books devoted solely to this confection.  Ten!  Really?!

A cupcake.  A few bites of fluffy, light-as-air cake with half a pastry bag of frosting swirled atop. Is it the cake part we covet, or the sugar and butter concoction that floats over it?  Painstakingly piped buttercream, tinged to match that kitschy wrapper, sprinkles, whimsical confections, delicate chocolate curls, matching candies, painted ganache tie this thematic baby cake to the message of the day.  They have become an artform, too beautiful to eat!  Cupcakes are that pretty girl who doesn't have an opinion:  she looks great, but if you are looking for a conversation, she leaves you wanting.

A muffin doesn't worry much about frosting.  A muffin is all about taste and fulfillment.  Muffins don't slip on a funky paper wrapping.  They wear their white or shiny silver liner like a perfectly worn pair of jeans.  A muffin is just as good if not better plain.  Don't pile on the frosting.  Skip the sparkling sugars, the gum paste and marzipan "play-doughed" into a ladybug!  If you must, a dusting of powdered sugar will do.  A muffin is about the muffin.  Doll it up and you're going to miss the best part:  muffins taste good!  Even a bran muffin--a good one--tastes like you could have another.  You can actually eat one for breakfast and survive your morning.  Muffins have that midwestern work ethic:  you simply don't exist to be idle.

I'm tired of the parade of form over function.  Close that Martha Stewart Living and have some uncoodinated fun.  Get dirty.  Get lost.  Live a little and wear mismatched socks.  Talk to the next stranger who smiles at you. Buy a painting because it speaks to you instead of matching your decor.  Close that cupcake shop and open a place where substance wins over style.