New calendar. New date to write in the checkbook. Fresh start at school. We start this year washing off and putting away the holidays, and yet, here I am, only weeks after I whined "I'm tired of partying...", looking at the calendar and wondering when I can start getting ready for Valentine's Day.
Valentine's Day shocks me in its excess. A day set aside to show love and kindness has degraded into a day to use money as a measurement of love. How can that be? The hearts abound in February and yet it seems to all boil down to a purchase. It becomes a necessity instead of the intended thoughtful gesture of loving, caring, intention.
I've been trained, you see, by a European man who insists that every day is Valentine's Day. On February 14th, I don't get flowers, candy, jewelry. But I might have gotten them at any time during the year, without reason, without warning...just because, well, because every day is Valentine's Day!
He didn't come with the expectations of gifts, the hype of an excellent dinner at a chi-chi restaurant. It is an American pretense, this fury of buying, overpriced roses, sought-after dinner reservations. He came from France. Yes, the reputation is true. He is an excellent lover--he loves daily, hourly, no matter what crap I end up standing in. It makes him diligent, and in turn, me too, to make sure that February 14th feels as good as every other day.
Don't get me wrong. The first few years of our marriage, I mourned Valentine's Day. I was bitter. Definitely disappointed when we ended up having pizza with his friend at a dive on Valentine's Day. "Why is it so crowded in here?" he boomed over the din of couples conspiring. "It's February 14th." I mumbled. Our friend smiled, shaking his head. I didn't get it. Didn't care. I wanted my holiday. I wanted my presents!
But I caught on. It made our marriage better, to remember that Every Day is Valentine's Day. I try to apply this to all of my loved ones--my babies, my friends, the people who fill my daily life and make it easy to be here even with all the crap that hits my fan. I hope they know how I feel on a regular basis. If I'm doing it right, we don't need a special day to say it.
I don't use Valentine's Day as an artificial day of Romance. I use it, instead, as an excuse to entertain. Sometimes, we invite single friends for dinner. We have, in the past, chosen to celebrate Valentine's Day with a wine tasting party. Sometimes, it's just Us: my man, my babies, the dog.
Yes, I do the treats, the cookies, the handmade love notes. That's the fun part! I adore the heart-shaped plates, pepperoni cut into little hearts on our pizza, cinnamon rolls baked into hearts. The Reds! The Pinks! The Peaches and Violets! February begins with me and my kids making, cutting, pasting, coloring. We bake and sprinkle. We hug and say it: "I love you!" It's a loving month to top off a loving year. We find a hundred ways to say I love you, and then, we just keep going...
